When you head to the gym, you basically look the same as when you step out for a date, I assume. Or at least as good as you look for work? And the whole time, you stay exactly as polished and Well, according to the new Victoria’s Secret ads for the brand’s sports bras, that is essentially how every woman.
Look, I’m not saying women shouldn’t wear makeup, hair products, and cute stuff to the gym because that is totally up to you. Personally, I wear makeup most days because I just enjoy wearing makeup, and I know that I’ll take it off anyway post-workout, so why would I bother removing it prior to exercising? That said, there is a certain look that human beings get when they exercise. Human beings besides Victoria’s Secret Angels.
(Related: 10 Affordable Places To Buy Underwear That Aren’t Victoria’s Secret)
1. Flushed cheeks.
I don’t know about you guys, but after running, my cheeks look less “summer glow” and more like overripe tomatoes that have been thrown at a pale, pale wall.
2. Sweaty face.
When I’m working out–or walking, or remotely anxious–I sweat. When you exercise, this is a normal function for bodies to do because it cools you down. Alas, the Angels must be horribly hot all of the time because they are infinitely cool and dry.
3. Sweaty everything, for that matter.
I don’t “glisten”; I drip. Perhaps I am just a little jealous that these ladies don’t look like they went through the ice bucket challenge after working out?
4. Huffing and puffing.
Do you get out of breath when you exert a lot of energy? I do, partially because I smoked for a long time, partially because I have asthma, and partially because nearly everyone does. Yet, Victoria’s Secret models seem to be breathing like a yoga instructor 99% of the time. 1% of the time is when they hold their breath for hairspray touch-ups.
5. Messy hair.
Am I the only person who has to readjust her ponytail and bobby pins about 20 times during each trip to the gym? Or did I miss a memo that holds the secret to maintaining your blowout on the elliptical?
If you are working out and have never dealt with any markings under your arms or on your back, I cannot speak to you because I am too jealous and/or going to assume your life is a lie.
7. Makeup halfway down your face.
While I definitely wear makeup to the gym, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t perfectly stay on my eye, all mapped out with a defined crease and pretty lined lips.
Yes, they’re there to sell a product, but just once I would love to see a sports bra model who looks like she has actually be exercising and not just come from the spa. Isn’t that what they’re intended for–for wearing when you’re gross and sweating and thinking about how much you’d rather be napping? I would absolutely support a company whose models’ cheeks were all as blotchy as mine!
And somebody diversity, but that’s just a pipe dream considering we can’t even get a pit stain up in here yet.
Images: Victoria’s Secret