There’s been a lot of talk of “basic bitches” in recent months. (I prefer just “basics” because there’s no reason to start throwing “bitches” at people.) The timing coincides nicely with the start of fall and the return of the Starbucks pumpkin spice latte–the official quaff of the basic–but the more I think of it, being basic isn’t all that bad.
1. Yoga pants
Yoga pants aren’t really pants, but you can still wear them outside. This is the best perk of being basic. You get to go around feeling like you’re in pajamas, and you don’t have to give a shit, “Whatever! I’m basic, bitches.”
2. All the pumpkin spice lattes you can drink
If they weren’t delicious, people wouldn’t be obsessed with them, and Starbucks wouldn’t keep bringing them back. I don’t personally partake, but that’s because my libation of choice is the peppermint mocha, and I’ll be drinking those until May.
3. Reality TV is fun
Guilty pleasures are actual pleasures, and haters just don’t know what it’s like to drink a bottle of white wine and watch the Kardashians be ridiculous.
4. People who hate wine are liars
I saw someone mocking basics for drinking white wine, and that is ridiculous. Even Jesus loved wine, especially a cold glass of white wine outside when it’s hot. (Protip: the white wine spritzer is amazing. You should try it.)
5. Brunch is the best meal of the day
Who doesn’t love brunch? Eggs and pancakes and cinnamon buns and all-you-can-drink mimosas, and you don’t have to go to work today. Life is good.
6. Your ass is fantastic
Yoga and pilates might be basic, but you walk down the street with a wiggle in your step, and when you check yourself out in store windows, you’re like, “Daaaaamn!”
7. Scented candles are delightful
When people get mad about scented candles, they have run out of ideas. Your house smells like grapefruit and joy. When I come home from a basic’s house, I am depressed by the smell of cat litter and apathy.
8. Liking Love Actually means you are not dead inside
It’s A Wonderful Life; Love Actually is the greatest Christmas movie of all time.
9. Your life is pretty easy, and that’s awesome
There is a lot of suffering in the world, but you’ve got it pretty damn good. Not being happy about your life would be really dumb.
10. You can always find the stuff you like
Your favorite dish is at every restaurant. Your favorite beer is always on tap. Your favorite TV show is in reruns 14 times a day, and you never had trouble finding a license plate for your bike with your name on it.
11. It’s the little things that bring you joy
And by little things, I mean accessories.
12. You’re just doing you
Haters will hate, so you just do you. If everyone else is also doing you, then you just have some built-in friends, and that’s beautiful.