Dear HuffPo: Sideboob Is Not An “Epidemic,” It’s My Comfort BFF

I am a firm believer in the greatness of sideboob. Yes, it can be overdone, and, yes, it runs the risk of involving a nip slip if you aren’t careful, but it’s certainly not the ‘epidemic’ a writer over at Huffington Post seems to think it is.

Liat Kornowsky deemed looks involving sideboob as “less than classy” (sigh) and un-ladylike. She goes on to ponder why the women of Hollywood have been showing it so often lately:

Dear fine ladies of Hollywood, don’t mistake me for a prude. I’m a strong believer that if you’ve got it, flaunt it. Even if you don’t have it, wear it proud. Wear whatever you like, go as short or as tight as you can, hell, burn your bras in a 1960s tribute, and go topless for all I care.

But the problem — and what to me makes it big enough that it’s worth addressing — is that you’re now getting creative with what we call “sideboob.”

Uhm, doesn’t that mean you’re actually not a “strong believer” in wearing “whatever you like”? Anyway…

Nothing says “Look at me, please!” quite like a peek-a-boob. You can obviously afford a well-fitting brassiere, double-sided tape, or a stylist with a modicum of common sense…

I can see how you might (mistakenly) perceive the sideboob as appealing. There’s something naughty about it, right? Does it symbolize womanhood? Well, it doesn’t. For all intents and purposes, all your lady parts were created equal. Just like you avoid the all-too-terrible crotch shot, for the love of God, cover up your boobs. There are plenty of sites that are waiting for you to slip up, and they’re the kind you try your hardest not to end up on.

First of all, not all women who show sideboob are trying to get people to look at them (and even if they are, who cares?). Some people just like it. Who says we think it “symbolizes womanhood”? For me, it just gives a nice breeze around my chest, which is pretty wonderful when I’m walking around the hot beach or at a park in summer, and I can’t take off my shirt like a dude because laws are stupid and hate females nipples.

Also, female celebrities — like all people — shouldn’t have to dote on the desires of other people to see them “slip up”; otherwise, we would have to avoid wearing stilettos, high slits, sheer anything, short skirts, short shorts, bathing suits, strapless dresses and tons of other shit that is pretty great to wear should the occasion call for it.

All women are constantly told mixed messages: be sexier, be more adorable, wear formfitting clothing, value modesty, show our bodies, hide our bodies, showing skin is sexy, sexy women don’t wear revealing garments, boobs are amazing, cleavage is classless… it’s enough to make your head spin. The same industries and media outlets that churn out article after article — whether clothing or written — showing women how to “be sexy” are the same ones that wind up critiquing them for attempting to do so.

One of the reasons I’m a little peeved is that I feel women with larger breasts are often criticized for wearing garments that reveal side breasts (or any breasts), while women with smaller breasts are a insulted for it a bit less. Wearing clothes that show larger breasts is seen as somehow offensive because, as one asshole I know said, it’s like “shoving your womanhood in everyone’s face.” I mean, I get it — not everybody wants to see tits. But at least be consistent about it.

Being a 34DD, I used to wear thick underwire bras all the time in order to keep my boobs at bay, as I thought that doing any differently would make me look stupid. Some wise friends of mine turned me onto the wonders of going braless and holy shit; I was instantly hooked. The freedom! The comfort! The lack of wire cutting into my skin whenever I tried to do anything besides sit up straight! I now also wear unpadded bras, but either way, the sideboob/no support effect is intact, and I love it.

Plus, whether you’re going to a moderately dressy or fun or ridiculous event and don’t feel like wearing a bra, sideboob can look awesome –in my opinion, obvs. Shit, I wore sideboob to prom and absolutely loved it (plus, my look was inspired by Chinatown, so I was already hooked on the idea). I actually crowdsourced my Facebook friends to see if anybody had any photos of me rocking sideboob as proof of my love, but, alas, this is the best we could come up with — or at least the only one that wasn’t specifically taken to show my scarification, and I had a feeling that posting those would be weird. Anyway, my apologies for the weak photo and bikini added, but I swear it was there. Sideboob solidarity (sideidarity?), dammit.

So, NAY, I say to HuffPo! Show your goddamn sideboob if you so choose, ladies. It will likely look awesome (just don’t forget the double-sided tape!).

Photos: FashionbyHe/Flickr, Brian To/WENN.com, me.