What The Name You Call Your Underwear Says About You

I adore lacy lingerie and sexy nightgowns, but I do not enjoy underwear. In fact, it was about two years ago that underwear was slowly phased out of my life, except for heavy period weeks or when I wore excessively short dresses in the summer. The vanishing really took hold when I’d wear leggings, maxis, and tight dresses that would inevitably show my pantie-line. I don’t wear jeans often, but the few times I have, I can say that using underwear (the blasphemy!) is simply more comfortable, as jeans (with the exception of the soft, stretchy, faux denim) have crunchy seams that hurt in places that I really don’t want to be injured.

I suppose that the line of thinking was that I wouldn’t be stepping out of limos into the glare of paparazzi bulbs. I couldn’t — and still can’t — conceive of a way for me to show my vag to strangers due to lack of underwear, and if there is a remote possibility, I’ll reluctantly put some on. The thing is, I choose my outfits, much like my non-undies-wearing sister here, based around my ability to forgo underwear. I see underwear as a vag shackle. A prison. A binding of harsh fabric into soft flesh. It’s tight and itchy and bunchy and just basically in the way.

Can I be a little TMI here? Sure, sure I can. This is a friendly place. In the two years I’ve given up on underwear, I’ve never, ever had an issue. In fact, my body is benefiting from the open-air setup. The breeziness of the no-underwear world has made it so that I really don’t sweat; hence, there aren’t any unpleasant odors or excess moisture. Let’s get even realer here: I haven’t had a single yeast infection, either. I mention this because every single time I tell my friends about my radical shift to freeballing (or, free-vaging), they ask if I’m riddled with infections. The answer is, no, I’m not.

So, am I benefiting from pure coincidence, or is there an infection just waiting to happen?

According to a few doctors who spoke to The Huffington Post, thongs are certainly an issue. Despite the fact that I gave up on those monstrous vag-destroyers in the early 2000s, many women do still wear them. According to the Huffington Post, it’s the extra layers that cause excess moisture and infection risk:

“Many thongs, particularly the sexy lacy kinds, are made of non-breathable materials, as opposed to cotton. ‘We should all always be wearing all-cotton underwear,’ Dr. Ghofrany advises. This includes the material of the entire panty, not just the fabric at the crotch. ‘When patients say [to me], ‘But the crotch is cotton,’ my response is that the layer outside the crotch is not, thus making the cotton less breathable and thus allowing more moisture to be trapped and more possible imbalance leading to infections.”

According to Everyday Health, it’s the nylon and synthetic fabrics of most undergarments that can cause issues. So, if that’s the sort of underwear your wearing day-in and day-out, and if you’re experiencing issues, those could be the culprit.

At the end of the day, going commando isn’t actually linked to any sort of medical issue, and if there is anything that causes a problem, it’s definitely the trapped moisture.

Wait, You Guys Wear Underwear Under Your Tights?

Wait, You Guys Wear Underwear Under Your Tights?

Look, my earliest experience of this whole issue was ballet class when I was about 8. If you wore underwear under your tights there was a chance that it would peek out under your leotard as you were plie-ing, and then you’d be flashing your rainbow-colored underwear to the entire class. And then all the other girls would gather like some horrible tutu-clad wolf pack, taunting and laughing.

Black Swan stuff didn’t only happen to Natalie Portman, that is all I’m saying.

It actually didn’t happen to me, either. I got to be part of the tutued wolfpack. Why? Because I realized you did not wear underwear under tights. What can I say? It was pretty much the only time I avoided being hilariously uncool through wiliness and observational skills.

People are wearing underwear under their tights? Really? Doesn’t that seem to defeat the point? Or, not defeat it, but seem excessive? I mean, the whole point of underwear is to provide a barrier between your nether regions and your clothing. Tights do that. So, presumably, you’re covered, right? And you wash them afterwards, so they’re clean. Wearing underwear under tights seems like wearing two pairs of underwear at once. I don’t get it. BECAUSE IT MAKES NO SENSE.

In conclusion, you’re destroying everything I know about the universe. Please explain the underwear under tights logic.

So, do you go commando? What are your thoughts?

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