Turns out Kate Middleton was right all along; it is time for nude pantyhose to make a comeback.
A year ago, if you told me I would be writing this post, I would have called you a liar. I hated nude pantyhose. I thought they looked fussy and contrived and overwrought. They weren’t “effortless.” They weren’t “cool.” But now I have changed my mind. Pantyhose are wonderful, and they deserve a comeback.
First, a definition: “Nude” pantyhose are any hose that are approximately the color of your naked legs, whatever that color may be. By “nude,” I do not necessarily mean “beige,” though that might be the shade that works for you.
OK, now that that is out of the way, let’s talk about why nude hose needs to make a comeback.
1. They make your legs look nice
Most of us do not have legs that are smooth and perfect. Pantyhose make it look like we do.
2. You might be able to avoid shaving
Thanks to the smoothing, perfecting effects of nylon tubes of fabric over your legs, you can probably get away without shaving your legs, even for a formal event. Not that you have to shave your legs if you don’t want to. But if you don’t want to bother shaving your legs but still want the look of hairless legs, pantyhose will be there for you.
3. “Effortless” is a lie
You know all those cool, leggy style bloggers running around in short shorts and flirty summer mini dresses with their legs looking shimmery and perfect? A lot of them are wearing leg makeup. They are literally smearing foundation over their legs to make their legs as smooth and pretty as their faces. That is pretty cool and all, but I do not have time for that. (Also, the one time I tried body makeup, it started raining, and then I walked into a room full of dancers in pristine white kimonos. I spent the next hour shouting, “Stay away from me!” Lest I ruin someone else’s outfit.) Pantyhose are like makeup for your legs, but they won’t rub off, and at the end of the day, you can just peel them away.
4. The preppy look is in
Everyone seems to want to look a bit like a fancy middle-aged lady this summer, and fancy ladies always look polished, and pantyhose look “polished” in that “I work at a conservative office” kind of way.
5. You probably aren’t powerful enough for the “bare legs” power play
When everyone in New York was up to their eyebrows in snow and below-Arctic temperatures, powerful fashion people and celebrities were ostentatiously running around in mini skirts with bare legs. It was declared the ultimate power play because to dress like that one had to know that one would never have to be outdoors. One would always have a car waiting, and doors would always be opened for one. That’s all well and good, but if you are a person who hails cabs or takes the subway, that power play will just lead to regret and sadness.
6. Besides, fashion power plays are tacky
If you have to be that overt about being powerful, it’s a bit sad, no?
7. They are retro and a bit throw-backy
Dita Von Teese wears hose. So did your grandmother. Pantyhose aren’t out of style; they’re just retro. Pick up a pair of stockings or a pair with seams along the back if you want all the above benefits but still want to feel like you’re interested and sexually adventurous.
8. They prevent blisters
Dressy shoes are so much more comfortable when worn with pantyhose than when worn with bare feet. Sorry to get all practical on you at the last minute. I probably should have ended at point #7 and the phrase “sexually adventurous.”