Not many people would describe bra shopping as “pleasurable.” On the fun scale, it’s right up there with doing your taxes and going to the dentist. That’s why you wait until your bras are stretched out and going gray until you decide it is the right moment to buy new ones. You need an afternoon, a full stomach, and probably some moral support in your quest to find a bra that fits. You also need to be mentally prepared to try on at least a dozen bras in different sizes while you watch some woman try on a handful of bras and have them all be perfect. Argh.
(Related: 11 Neutral Bras That Show That ‘Nude’ Doesn’t Mean Just One Color)
These are the emotions you go through when you’re shopping for a new bra:
1. Dread
You do not want to go shopping. You normally love shopping but you cannot stand bra shopping. You rather spend the afternoon in one of the ball pits at those kid’s amusement centers getting trampled on by six-year-olds.
2. Confused
As you start digging through the piles and racks of bras numerous thoughts cross your mind, “What is with all of the wired bras? Where are the neutral colors? Does every bra have that much crazy padding? Rhinestones, really? Where are the bras in my size?”
3. Frustrated
You have been wearing the same size bra for years so why is it that the ones you are trying on now don’t seem to fit? The size on the band is the same size on the bra you’re wearing. WTF. The cups don’t feel the same, the band is riding up in the back and that side piece is pinching your skin in a way that cannot be good. Next.
4. Horrified
“What were you thinking? Seriously, what were you thinking?” keeps on being repeated in your mind. You have no idea how you picked up this bra from the rack and thought that it would actually work. This bra is just wrong. You need to get it off.
5. Stunned
After that last horrible bra, you decided to get some professional advice. The sales associate measured you and you cannot believe the results. You were measured last time and you even measured yourself at home. Were you really wearing the wrong bra all this time? Have your boobs actually changed that much?
6. Defeated
Of course, the one bra in the store that you really like isn’t available in your size. The one you tried on was just a tad too small and you know that the other one would have been perfect. You curse everyone who came before you that wears the same size.
7. Hopeful
The sales associate brings you an alternate bra. It’s not the original one that you asked for but it is pretty and it does come in the right size. You say a silent prayer before you try it on and hope that this is finally the one.
8. Elated
Success! You don’t believe it. You’ve found a bra that actually fits. What’s even better is that it doesn’t look like a nursing bra and it isn’t some outlandish price. You could not be happier, you feel like you have solved one of the mysteries of the universe.
9. Exhausted
Thank goodness something came out of this trip and you have your bra because you are exhausted. Your back is aching, your brow is damp and you’re pretty sure you have rubbed away a few too many skin layers with all of your doing-up-the-hook-in-the-front-and-spinning-the-bra-to-the-back maneuvers. You need a drink.