I’ve always understood the appeal of jeans. They’re versatile. They don’t need to be washed as often as the other pieces in your wardrobe. You can wear one pair a thousand times and no one will notice. If you style them correctly, you can get away with wearing them in most places. Cool. With all that in mind, I still hate them.
NBC News reports that denim sales are dropping right now– to the point where major companies are having to brainstorm how to get people back into the jeans game– and this excites me. Not because I want American businesses to fail, not because I want people to have to buy all new clothes in a shitty economy, but because I’m bored. I’m bored of wearing jeans, I’m bored of having to look harder to find outfits that don’t involve jeans, and I’m bored of having to consider them a wardrobe staple.
They don’t look good on my body. I tried to give up wearing jeans for several years before I was able to toss my last pair and really commit to it, and I’ve never looked back. My outfits became more interesting, unique, and me.
If a UFO spaceship came hovering over the city of Los Angeles and used some kind of powerful ray to summon up every pair of jeans, the street style would become a whole new game. More fabrics! More dresses! More layers, more skirts, more colorful shorts!
Never again would we watch Kim Kardashian try to tuck a denim shirt into denim pants, and never again would Drake need to yell at a fan on Instagram for criticizing his Canadian Tuxedo. Never again would we have the skinny-versus-wide leg debate, the dark-versus-light conversation, and the war between mommish high-waisted jeans and Jessica Simpsonish low-rise would be laid to rest. It sounds beautiful. Utopian. Like a song, John Lennon should have written. Imagine there’s no Levi’s. It’s easy if you try.
Am I saying that other people should stop wearing something just because I don’t like it? Not at all. Do literally whatever you want. Tons of people look fantastic in jeans, for one thing, and meeting someone else’s standards should never be a factor in how you dress, for another.
I’m just shouting into the void, hoping my message will meet the ears of another lost soul who’s really freaking sick of jeans. Together, we can fight the man. Together, we can wear leggings in winter and skater skirts in spring. Together, we can make everyday fashion more interesting. Who’s with me?