Do your parents not want you to date until you graduate? But are they the same people that ask when will you marry straight after you graduate? Why do they think finding someone is that easy, I know it wasn’t that easy for them at all was it? In this world full of sin, it is not easy at all to find that one. You must go through valleys, forests and countries for that one.
A lot of parents would have planned out your life and your love life by the time you are 26, you need to be married and the next year at least be pregnant or have a child. 26 is even late, you are getting too old. If you are 30 and not married or even dating someone, they already start to think you are into the same sex( even if I was, is it your own )or you are “trying to give them a heart attack” or best of all; not wanting them to have any grandchildren. Hello parents, it is not that straightforward!
There are a lot of things that need to be established first before jumping into a relationship let alone a marriage. A key question that is asked throughout relationships is ‘what do you bring to the table’, a huge amount of people want money, loyalty and respect. As we are all young we are still trying to establish our career and one thing is that weddings are expensive. With the average cost of weddings being £30,355. With cakes serving 150 people costing £300. Some people get engaged and don’t get married until 5 years after, so they can save up for this expensive event.
As a Zimbabwean, in our culture, your husband must pay “roora” which is known as the bride price in other African cultures. Women are the backbone of the family as they have the responsibility in the home as organisers, mothers, wives and advisers. The husband must ask the father for permission for his daughter and must provide cows and goats from his village. He must then pay between £2,000-£5,000 or less. He provides a list of gifts including food. If this is not done, your family will not accept the marriage even if you have a marriage license. This shows respect to the family and shows that you can provide for their daughter. You don’t have to pay off everything on the day but can come back but once you have provided some part of the payment, you are not married. This is not an easy thing to explain to people who are not Zimbabwean and some men may not want to do this at all.
Weddings are beautiful, don’t get me wrong and are a lifetime memory to cherish. The beautiful bride and the groom smile like a Cheshire cat. Don’t you just love? Any long-term relationship no matter how long you have been together can be changed by marriage. The change is different for everyone, it can be a massive change which can be good or bad as it just depends.
In marriage mistakes are not as easily forgiven, your growth must be close until the end. As young people still in their early/mid 20’s your growth has only just begun but for some people, growth comes later on. As someone in their 20s, you are still establishing yourself and building your career, after graduating or finishing an internship/apprenticeship jobs don’t just come easy. I wouldn’t feel comfortable getting married knowing I haven’t established myself yet. Once you are married you now need to focus on building your marriage and it takes years of patience and attention.
One thing I know is that I am not looking to get divorced and get married multiple times. The office of National Statistics states that in 2021, 113,505 divorces in the UK were 9.6% more than the previous year. The rate has continued to rise since then. As someone who is also religious, marriage is known as holy matrimony. Public statement to God, as this shows God’s love and the values of family values and God’s values. It’s a life commitment and shouldn’t be broken. It’s not about making your family proud and giving them something to show off to their friends but God, you are inviting him to stand in the middle of your relationship and guide you through this journey. Marriage is a journey in which you will face trials and tribulations, you need to know you have chosen the right person to face all of this with. Some people don’t might get divorced and find their soulmate again but I just rather wait until I find them to get married and begin that journey.
Some people have been together for 20 years plus and are not married, they are extremely happy. They have found their person and have built a life with them. Marriage is society’s normality but we don’t always need to follow that. People may look down on it but they are happy in their lives. Love and happiness should never be decided by others but yourself. If they have both agreed on it, then what is the problem?
What is the rush to get married? Why do you have to be married at a certain age of 23-26? You haven’t even lived your life. You have been focused at school or in your job and have been working your ass off. Those are both like committed marriages. Why do you have to be ready when everyone else is? We all have a plan for our lives and maybe marriage isn’t at the top of the list. Marriage is a commitment and it’s the biggest commitment in life. Maybe you are happy not getting married and that’s fine. There is no age to get married, you can do it when you are 40,60 or even 80 years old. It’s about you being ready, not everyone else.