How to Rebuild Your Confidence After a Divorce

Divorce is a major life-changing event, and it’s normal to feel depressed, anxious, or sad after the divorce is finalized. You may even feel like you’ve hit rock bottom. But it’s important to remember that these feelings are temporary and can be overcome with time and support. Over time, and with effort, you can work through the negative emotions, deal successfully with the fallout from your breakup and return to where you are the one in charge of the decisions about your life.

Nevertheless, here are some ways to rebuild your confidence after a divorce.

Treat Yourself Well

If you find yourself beating yourself up over mistakes made during marriage or divorce, stop doing it. You are not your mistakes; they are just things that happened during an important time in your life. You need to be kinder to yourself and move forward with your life instead of dwelling on past events.

Change your last name

One crucial step to rebuild your confidence after a divorce can be reasserting your individual identity, a significant part of which is your name. It’s not uncommon for people to opt for a name change post-divorce, as it can provide a sense of independence and a fresh start. In certain states like Illinois, the procedure is legally straightforward. When seeking a name change in Illinois, for example, you simply petition the court and, upon approval, start using your new last name in all legal and personal matters. Or you can simply hire professionals to do the whole process for you. This act can be empowering, serving as a reminder of your resilience and the new path you’ve decided to embark on post-divorce.

Change Your Physical Appearance (If You Want To)

You’ve just gone through a stressful time, so it’s okay for you to want to look different. If you want a change in your appearance, go ahead and make it happen. You might want to get a mini facelift that can help boost your mood and give you the confidence needed to get back into the dating game.

Cultivate a Sense of Humor

To rebuild your confidence after divorce, it’s important to learn how to laugh again. If you have lost your sense of humor during the divorce process, try watching a stand-up comedy or reading humorous books and articles. You will be amazed at how laughter can help heal your heart after such an emotional time.

Have Positive Friends and Family

Positive friends and family members can help rebuild your confidence after a divorce because they will offer support and understanding when things seem tough. Your friends might remind you of all the good things about yourself during this difficult time. Plus, when you’re busy planning hangouts and spending time with loved ones, it keeps your mind from dwelling on the fallout from the divorce.

Find a Mentor or Coach

Divorce is one of those situations where you have no control over what’s happening around you. You may feel powerless and frustrated, but there are ways to regain some control over your life again and move forward as an empowered person who knows what they want out of life. A mentor or coach can help guide you through this difficult time and provide support along the way.

Read and Watch Inspiring Content

You may feel like you’ve lost your identity as a spouse, but you haven’t; you’re just re-discovering who you are. The best way to do that is by reading and watching inspiring content that helps you see yourself in new ways. You can find this kind of content online and in books and podcasts at the library or bookstore.

If you’re struggling with how to start rebuilding your confidence after divorce, maybe something like this will help.

Keep Your Self-Talk Positive

You’ll also want to work on keeping your self-talk positive. This means avoiding negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones as often as possible. When you catch yourself saying something negative about yourself, turn it around into something positive immediately.

Over time, this practice will become second nature and help build your confidence.

Create an Inspiring Vision for Your Future

When dealing with a divorce, it can be hard to imagine what life will be like when everything settles down. You may have no idea where your children are going to live or what kind of job you’ll find. But as hard as this might be, try to create an inspiring vision for your future.

Think about all the important things to your family, friends, and career, and then visualize yourself living those things out in the future.

If there’s something specific you want out of life (like having kids), then focus on those goals and imagine how it would feel if they were already fulfilled.

Make New Commitments

You may want to make new commitments that will help you feel better about yourself after a divorce. For example, if you were involved in raising children together, consider volunteering or joining organizations that interest you. The more involved you are with others and their lives, the more confident you will feel about yourself as an individual with something valuable to offer others outside of your previous relationship.


Developing new and positive habits after a divorce isn’t easy. You’ll likely make mistakes along the way or find that your progress is slow and uncertain. But you can get back to feeling better. You just have to keep trying. Focus on your progress, not perfection, and try to be kind to yourself as you do.

While it may take time, with some effort, you can build confidence again after a divorce.

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