Ah, dating apps. The modern inventions that prove human beings are no longer capable of having face-to-face interactions when attempting to find a romantic partner. Depending on where you live, dating apps might be the best way to meet people outside of your immediate friend zone/bar scene, and while some of the messages are just weird, and some resulting dates can be boring and/or awful, the interactions you have can sometimes lead to awesome and fulfilling relationships. For example, I dated someone I met on OK Cupid for about six months before things ended amicably, simply because we weren’t heading in the same direction. We still talk on occasion, though I will admit that the only reason I’m comfortable even writing about him in passing is because I’m about 99 percent sure he doesn’t read my work. So, you know, that’s nice.
But, as I was saying, dating apps have become the premier method of meeting new people nowadays, especially in big cities. But with so many options out there, how do you know which app to choose? To help you out in all of your future romantic endeavors, I’ve decided to put together a handy dandy guide to help you navigate these treacherous technological waters. All I ask in return is that you send me an invitation to your eventual wedding. That’s fair, right? Great. Let’s get started.
Tinder
Tinder is the app for you if you’re looking strictly for a one-night stand. I only know one person who has met someone on Tinder that she actually ended up in a relationship with, and even she admits that she has no idea how it happened. I mean, really, guys, this app tells you how far away the guys are at any given moment. Like, you could just be like, “Hmm, I feel like putting my face on someone else’s face, but I’d like to not have to take the subway more than three stops,” and find someone.
OK Cupid
This is the next step after you start feeling frustrated with Tinder. I first joined OK Cupid thinking that it was the way that the ~youths~ these days met potential suitors, and then four separate guys messaged me asking me if I was a submissive. So, yeah. But, like I said, you can meet some real gems on here if you get lucky. Either way, proceed with caution.
Hinge
Here’s the deal with Hinge: It connects with your Facebook page so it can have access to all of your friends, and then, it only matches you with people with whom you have mutual friends. The idea behind it is that you’re not meeting strangers so much as you’re meeting potential acquaintances, or at the very least, friends of friends. Basically, this is for anyone who has some serious stranger danger issues. The one caveat: You only get about 10 matches per day, so this is good for people who like options but not good for people who enjoy going on swiping frenzies while sitting on the toilet.
Bumble
Bumble’s a relatively new app that encourages the woman to make the first move. This is great for girls who don’t like to sit around and wait for men to get in touch. You can, of course, message first on any other app, but it’s expected on this one. So if you’re all, “I am woman, hear me roar, and also hear me ask you out for a classy drinks date because fuck gender norms,” you’ll like this one.
Zoosk
Honestly, you’re not really interested in finding someone on a dating app. You were probably just sucked in by that ridiculously adorable “First Comes Like” commercial they play on a loop during Real Housewives marathons on Bravo. And that’s fine. And not just because that commercial has made me cry on more than one occasion.
JSwipe
If you’re just a nice Jewish girl or boy looking for another nice Jewish girl or boy, you’ll find your home on JSwipe. It’s like JDate but fo’ free. Also, the founder of JSwipe follows me on Instagram, and he’s pretty cute, so here’s hoping he sees this post and we fall in love forever and ever!
Match.com
You’re serious about finding someone, and you don’t have time for any of this swiping tomfoolery. And you don’t want to date a 13-year-old. Basically, you’re wearing your big girl pants, and you’re not taking them off, and I respect you for that.
Help! What’s The Best Dating App?
I am very bad at dating. Very, very bad indeed. I have this awful habit of dating people that I’ve been friends with for a decent amount of time or have at the very least known for a few years. In fact, I’ve almost exclusively dated people from the same year at the same college for six years–before I went to that college. This is not something I am particularly proud of, especially when you consider the implications of nearly every single one of them being an emotionally unavailable stoner and myself being one of those profoundly naive “he can change…for me!” cheerleaders.
Lately, I’m trying to do the whole “normal person dating” thing and not just diving head-first into relationships with people I know better than to do so with. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve revisited an old flame and gone on a few dates, but I still feel like I’m just really bad at dating like a normal person in the 21st century.
One might argue that “dating like a normal person” does not necessarily include dating apps, but I think that it can be a very powerful tool to facilitate dating. Sure, it’s not the “old-fashioned way,” but we are modern ladies who like to do modern things, and sometimes, that includes swiping left and right to signify decisions.
Dear readers, I beg of you to inform me of your dating app knowledge: Which is your favorite dating app? And, presuming you have reasons, why?