20 Questions To Ask Your Partner About Financial Matters
Many couples debate over money matters. For some, money refers to power, status, and control. Yet others believe that money is only a means to an end or only something to worry about if an emergency pops up. Fights over finances derail just as many relationships as do debates over affection, communication, or compatibility, yet few of us ask the necessary questions of our partner to find out if we’re on the same page.
Discussing how we feel about money and our history with it might be a cringe-worthy experience, but it’s a crucial one should you want a long-term relationship with the person you’re dating. Although I don’t recommend any of these dating questions during the first few months of a relationship, they are all crucial for partners thinking about moving in together or marriage.
I think I’ve missed a dating question? Feel free to add it to the dating questions list.
- How much money do we earn individually and together? How does this amount differ from where we plan to be in a year? Five years? Ten?
- Does the amount we earn collaboratively cover all of our necessary expenses?
- How much do we spend together with regards to spending categories, such as housing, food, insurance, entertainment, and childcare? How does this differ from where we want to be? Will these numbers change in a year? Five years? Ten?
- If we could make the ideal amount of money, how much would it be? Who would be in charge of making that happen? Is it possible?
- At this exact moment, how much do we each have in our checking accounts? Savings? Investments?
- How much does either one of us need in our savings to feel secure financially? Are either of us there yet? How do we plan on getting there, and when? How much is contributed by each person, and how often, to make that happen?
- Where will we keep our savings (i.e., which bank, type of account), and whose name(s) will it be in? Who is the beneficiary?
- Will we, or do we already hold any joint financial accounts? Will this change in the future? When and why?
- Are either or both of us saving up for a large purchase? What for, how long will it take to save up for, and how much is it?
- What kinds of expenses do we need to discuss together before making a purchase, if anything?
- Who decides where our money is spent? Is there an amount that we need to check in with each other, even if it’s for an essential expense, before paying for or buying it?
- If either of us already has children, how much money goes towards that child or children, both now and in the future? What happens when there is a surprise cost related to child-rearing?
- Who pays for health insurance? Do we share it? How much does it cost, and what does it cover? Do either of us have health issues that may cost us financially in the future? Have we planned for this?
- What will our retirement look like? Should we compare retirement accounts together as a couple? How much do we need to secure a way to make that happen? Who is responsible financially, in what amounts, and how often?
- Do either of us have a monthly budget or do we spend paycheck to paycheck? Will this change as our relationship progresses?
- How much debt do we owe individually and/or together? Who is responsible for paying for what?
- How do you envision our lives together in the near future? What kind of car(s) will we drive, what house will we live in, clothes will we wear?
- If we were to have kids together, who would take care of the child(ren)? Will one person stay at home, will we get childcare, or is there another arrangement?
- Is either of us planning to start a business or go back to school in the near future? Ever? How will that affect our finances?
- Have either of us ever gone bankrupt? If so, when and why?
Cathy Silverberg
Dating Expert, Contributing Writer
Cathy is a dating site consultant and dating expert. I possess a strong passion for people, heart-felt facilitation, and provocative storytelling. I use my voice in writing, speech to provoke awareness and positive personal change.
