Everything there is to know about you, I can tell from your Starbucks order. Your venti unsweetened iced coffee might as well be a DNA sequence. Here’s our totally accurate and 100% scientific breakdown of what your Starbucks order says about your personal style.
1. Pumpkin Spice Latte
You’re basic, and you know it, but that’s OK because being basic is the shit. You wear yoga pants outside, and a full face of makeup to the gym, and your hair is so perfectly conditioned that your ponytail actually looks like a hairstyle instead of something you do to get your hair out of your face.
2. Salted Caramel Mocha
You think of yourself as a foodie and talk about it constantly. You love Vivienne Westwood in theory but don’t have the guts or resources to actually wear her clothes in real life. Her accessories are another story, though. You either have some or have nearly managed to save up for it. Statement jewelry is your jam, and you like things that look a little freaky. You prefer rings because then you can show them off as you point to menu items. You are seriously thinking about getting a pastel pink coat this winter.
3. Iced Green Tea, Unsweetened
Your style is awesome, and you know that because you actually work in fashion. (Or you just want to.) Skincare is an abiding obsession for you. Your daily regimen takes up more time and money than you have, but you figure good skin is an investment your future self will appreciate.
4. Soy Latte
Normcore for life! You were normcore before normcore was a thing. You’re so avant-garde you are constantly mistaken for a tourist.
5. Extra Hot No-Foam Cappuccino
You wear more white than Olivia Pope. You have never even seen a piece of lint or cat hair. You’re so on top of things that you keep actual manilla folders. You have never lost a receipt or missed an appointment.
6. Peppermint Mocha
A part of you fears you might have peaked in 2008, and that date is getting farther and farther away every year. Was it not just yesterday you were lusting over Ann Demeulemeester’s talon-heel boots? It was not, but you still want them. You also want a green velvet skirt and a cape with feathers on it.
7. Matcha Green Tea Latte
You did a study abroad term in Japan and like to drop the fact that you lived there into all kinds of random conversations. You once dabbled in Lolita, but now you dress in lots of layers and like Helena Bonham Carter’s shoes.
8. Frappuccino, coffee flavor
Today is the day you treat yourself right. You want a giant fluffy milkshake drink, and by God, you’re going to have one. Tomorrow you’ll go back to unsweetened iced coffees. Your handbag is big enough to carry a baby in. You have others and keep planning on switching between them, but you never do. All your stuff is in this one, and changing is a bother. You are really into novelty shoes.
9. Frappuccino, any other flavor
You like going to Starbucks with your friends, and you like hanging out at coffee shops, but you actually hate the taste of coffee. After this, you will go to Claire’s and tell people you are there ironically, but really you want every single accessory from Katy Perry’s adorable new Coachella collection.
10. Espresso Con Panna
You made a study abroad trip in Rome, and ever since, you have been immune to judgment. If someone says something judgy or dismissive to you, you just roll your eyes and say, “God, that’s such an American thing to say.” Your withering look is priceless. You wear dark glasses constantly. It makes you look like Anna Wintour, but really you just don’t want to have to wear eye makeup.
11. Passion Iced Tea
If the goal of personal style is to tell the world something about yourself, then your personal style is perfectly on-point. Everybody who looks at you instantly knows the most important thing about you: You really love cats.
12. Something off the secret menu
You are so good at the Internet! You are a big deal on Reddit, and you joined Facebook in 2004. Your clothes are all much sought-after pieces from big designer collaborations, and you got them before anybody.