How To Take Perfect ‘Selfies’

“Selfie” (also spelled “selfy”) photos are all the rage. I guess we can thank social media for this annoying trend because of Facebook, Twitter, and now with the invention of Instagram that seems to have stemmed from our “selfie” obsession, it’s safe to assume that most people are taking at least a few “selfies” a day. I just took one, and I’ll probably take another in an hour where I pose next to a chunk of chocolate I’m about to consume.

A “selfie,” in case you’re late to the party, is the photo one takes of themselves with either their phone or a camera that is at arm’s length — or closer, depending on what part of your face you’re trying to emphasize. Celebrities have become notorious with their selfies, as it just further proves how self-involved they are. We are all self-involved, but celebrities are even more so. I think, or maybe us regular plebes are, but I’m too self-involved to see that.

Taking the perfect selfie isn’t easy, and it involves precision, art, and most of all, an awareness of just how much people want to gaze upon your face. If you’re not sure how to pull it off, here are a few dos and don’ts.

Don’t do “duck face”

I’m pretty sure even the Olsen twins who invented “duck face” have ceased this ridiculous pose, so you should, too. Also, who the hell wants to look like they have a duckbill?

Do keep it real

Remember when Demi Moore posted this on Twitter? It was awesome. Anyone who can laugh at themselves, especially in a vain world, gets points.

Don’t be Justin Bieber

If the world outside of the one that girls ages 13 to 18 reside in has to see another Bieber selfie, it will explode.

Do “romantic” poses

Everyone thinks your boyfriend is made up anyway, so this can help prove he’s legit — even if he “lives in Canada.”

Don’t do whatever the hell this is…

So you’re Madonna, and you’re enjoying a martini? Great for you! I don’t get it. Who looks angry when they’re drinking a martini?

Do avoid reflective flashes

If you’re pulling an Amanda Bynes and you want the flash to blur out your face so as to garner compliments on the body you just said was “pudgy,” then, by all means, go for it. But no one likes a compliment grubber.

Don’t give into the cleavage game

Selfie boob shots are the best way to get people talking smack about you. You know, because no one likes self-confidence, especially if they don’t have any for themselves.

Do be aware of your surroundings

Your baby caught you sleeping? Or is that just another “selfie” that completely failed thanks to the mirror behind you?

Yeah, look out for that one.