What Your Sunglasses Say About You

Am I at the beach? Yes. Is it awesome? Sure, yes, of course, it is. Am I judging people by their sunglasses? You know I am. That’s my only reason for being here. That and dressing like a beatnik.

Round wire frames

Look, if you haven’t done cocaine yet, you’re going to. That’s fine. That’s okay. But don’t kid yourself. You are not bearable on cocaine, and the 70’s were not the best decade.

Cat Eye Sunglasses

You’ve always wanted to play at being a sexy librarian. You’re really into the idea of wearing fishnet tights and making sexual puns based around books. I don’t know what those puns would be, but you do. You also enjoy old movies.

Circular Sunglasses

Okay, you are menacing but whimsical. Like someone out of Djanjo Unchained or Willy Wonka. I’m terrified of you, because you’d have no qualms about killing me if you didn’t get your own whimsical way. But also I respect you, because of the way you are free.

Oversized

Jackie O is your style icon. You have read every story Truman Capote has ever written, even the ones set in the deep south that are boring.

Wire metal sunglasses

If this kind appealed to you because they’re pink, and because Clueless is your favorite movie. There is no shame in that.

Square kind, I guess?

What do they even call these? At some point, everyone who has worn these has tried to be a DJ.

Matrix Style

You believe that all of reality might be a dream, and also own a trenchcoat.