There is no shame in wanting to be more attractive to those around you, but if you do not want that desire to affect how you prefer to dress, do your hair, apply your makeup (or not), and anything else appearance-based, then don’t fret! Besides changing your birth certificate so that you have an inherently hot name, there are plenty of things you can do to seem more attractive to others.
(Related: The 18 Least Attractive Things Someone Can Do On A First Date)
A recent thread on Reddit explored this topic in-depth, so if you are searching for ways to be more appealing without actually altering your looks, follow these Redditoris’ advice.
1. Take an interest in what they’re saying.
KontraEpsilon: “Take an interest in the other side of the conversation.”
2. Actively engage.
Bohlareon: “Not only speaking but listening well and showing interest in the person talking. Waiting for someone to finish talking to talk more about yourself couldn’t be any more unattractive.”
3. Be good at and care about things!
Wowdudebummer: “Be very talented in something. Like a piano, snowboarding, painting, etc. It’s very attractive when a person has a passion and is very good at it.”
4. Make sure you smell great.
anextrayoungredditor: “If someone smells good, it makes them 100% more attractive.”
5. Be decisive.
erokk88: “Decide. Stop saying ‘I don’t care,’ ‘I don’t know,’ ‘what do you feel like doing?’ And make direct and firm decisions.”
6. Be direct.
Coca_Pepsi: “Going along these lines, not beating around the bush. About a year ago, my roommate and I both were into this girl who lived down the hall in our apartment complex. Now I’ll be the first to admit he’s a much better-looking guy than I am, but he often doesn’t make his intentions clear. He was flirting with this girl for a while but never directly asked her out after I was telling him to for a while. Just to make a point, I asked her out and she said yes.”
“Now he does it all the time and gets the upper hand on me.”
7. Determine your best qualities.
yours_duly: “First and foremost, find attractive qualities in yourself, your strong points.
“One could advice to be funny, confident, talkative, nice, etc., etc. But it’s different from person to person. For example,
- A person who’s naturally not funny would come across as lame when trying that. Maybe being a genuine, trustworthy person is their thing.
- Someone who’s naturally shy would always find it hard to be talkative (making it less attractive since the discomfort would always show). Maybe being mysterious and person-of-few-words would be their thing.
“That’s why it’s important to find ‘your thing’. Once you’re on top of your game, you’re confident. And that my lad, is the essence of ‘Be Yourself’.”
8. Accept humor.
schmengineer: “Have a sense of humor. Not being able to take a joke is the worst!“
Note: This does not apply to certain kinds of, ahem, “jokes.” And be direct if you’re on a date with somebody whose sense of humor makes you uncomfortable or reasonably offended. For example, when I’m on a date, and somebody uses “raped” as a metaphor or “retarded” as an adjective, I ask them to stop. As of yet, I have nearly never had somebody be upset by this.
Nurum: “It’s not even lots of money; it’s having your shit together. I know plenty of people that I would otherwise find super attractive, but their financial lives are in shambles, and they are always having money trouble even though they make plenty of money. On the flip side, I know a few people that don’t make much but are responsible enough to be stable. An example would be a girl I know that only makes about $14/hr, yet when she needed a new car, she bought a nice $12k used car in cash.”
10. Hygiene, hygiene, hygiene.
Smittybot9000: “Hygiene. Make sure you wear enough deodorant. Make sure your breath is good. And for the love of God, take enough showers. I had a friend who was a lot of fun to hang out with, but his feet always smelled so bad I couldn’t stand to be around him for long periods of time.”
11. Have interests outside of work.
PainMatrix: “Take up a hobby. There’s nothing hotter to me than a person who’s really passionate about an activity; it doesn’t really matter what it is. It shows that they have personality and are themselves interesting.”
12. Behave confidently.
Oplexus: “Self-confidence, to be honest. I’m gay, so maybe my experiences are a little bit different, but if you honestly start bitching to me about how you hate yourself because your penis is too small, I am not going to even bother with you.
“If you hate something about yourself, try to fix it or own it because being self-deprecating to somebody makes them uncomfortable, and it makes it look like you’re fishing for compliments. “Oh, I’m so fat” “Oh, I can’t do that, I’m too ugly” blah blah blah… what the hell am I supposed to say? I am not going to compliment you, so what are you expecting? We all have our insecurities, but if you’re trying to romantically pursue somebody and you surround yourself with an aura of negativity, they won’t want to be around you much longer.
“Also, you’re probably not as ugly as you think you are. Take a look at the average people you see walking around every day. Most of those people have managed to get laid.”
silverblaze92: “Read. Read anything and everything. Rip what you read apart for knowledge and wisdom. Learn from it, let it enrich you, and be a companion through all you do.”
14. Drink more water. Yes, really.
KuyaBroski: “This is sort of appearance-based, but it helps improve your whole bodily function. One thing that I’ve noticed almost immediately after forcing myself to start drinking water consistently was that my complexion got a lot “brighter” and/or “cleaner,” if that makes any sense. I don’t know how to explain it any other way. Just trust me on this. Your body will thrive when it’s hydrated well.”
15. Speak directly, surely, and efficiently.
kukukele: “Cut out the ‘likes,’ ‘ums’ and ‘you know from your word bank.”
16. Don’t be a smoker.
sconor66: “Quit smoking.”
17. Be a kind person.
PopsicleJesus: “Don’t take advice from Red Pill folks and just be a nice but confident and firm person. You don’t need to be an asshole to be respected and to have self-worth.
“I am maybe a 4/10, and my girlfriend is an 8. How? I’m one of the nicest people she’s ever met, she says, but I can and will readily stand my ground on anything, and I make hard decisions when it’s up to me to do so. I apologize when I’m wrong, and I expect it in return.
“Be the person you would want to be with, and you’ll find a person who is completely and wonderfully compatible.”
BONUS! Apply the laws of physics to your technique.
Ekint: “Increase your mass to increase gravitational attraction.”