Everyone’s been on a bad first date at least once in their lives, if not dozens of them. While these can be awkward, uncomfortable, and occasionally ridiculous while you’re actually on them, there is one bright side: they make great stories. Plus, you can be a part of instructing people on what not to do for first (and all) dates!
In fact, that’s exactly what we asked our readers last week when we begged this question: what is the least attractive thing somebody can do on a first date? You know, besides, wear flip-flops. The answers are range from astounding to cringe-worthy to bonafide WTF status, but all are educational. If you’ve got a first date coming up (or hope to, at least), take heed of these readers’ experience-based advice.
1. Being patronizing.
Adriherdan: “I’m also a writer and I hate it when guys who are in finance make me feel like what they do is more important because they are making more money. However, the WORST first date comment I’ve gotten was when I was back in college in Boston and went out with a Harvard student. He asked me where I went to school, and I replied Emerson College, to which his reaction was to giggle and say, “That’s cute.”
2. Asking why you’re single.
Creative Pros: “‘Why are you single?’ or any similar question even when hidden as a compliment like ‘I find it hard to believe you’re not involved being so pretty.’ It’s demeaning and dumb when trying to get to know someone, and there’s no honest and not awkward way to answer it. ‘BECAUSE I’M A HIDEOUS BEAST WITH SCALES AND HERE ARE ALL MY PERCEIVED FLAWS, Now why are YOU single jackass? Is it because you ask ladies why they’re single all the time?'”
3. Disliking your pets.
NYC Nanny: “This is more for the first time I bring someone home: not liking my pets. Nope. Cya. I once had a guy PUSH my dog out of bed. She was only a puppy (albeit a 40lb puppy, but still). He said dogs don’t belong in bed. Guess how long it took me to kick HIM out of bed?”
4. Saying your name over and over and…
Alexis Rhiannon: “I’m really put off when people use my name repeatedly. It makes me feel like it’s an interview or they’re trying way too hard to earn my trust. As if I don’t know that technique. (I am a nightmare.)”
5. Talking negatively about other women.
JennyWren: “Criticizing other women. As in ‘I’ve dated so many stuck-up girls, you seem so normal’ or ‘Good for you! Real women should have meat on their bones!’ if I order a sandwich. My favorite was ‘Don’t you hate how everyone acts around pretty girls?’ managing to insult other women AND me. I just gave him the side-eye and said, ‘So what are you, slumming it right now?'”
6. Acting like you’re already in a relationship.
Catherine Drage: “I had a first date that was going really well; sushi turned into seeing a movie. The next thing I know, he’s all over me and not in the ‘I want you’ way but like cuddling me as if he was my boyfriend, holding me from behind and resting his head between my neck. I was dying! Then we get into the movie; he lifts my arm up and puts it around him! I wanted to crawl out of my own skin! He was resting his head on my breasts. I sat there for 10 seconds and then told him it wasn’t comfortable for me. I’ve never wanted a date to end more! So awkward…”
7. Not tipping.
simoneutecht: “Being nasty to service people and not tipping. I worked in the industry for 15 years, so I’m really keen on this stuff. And a close third of us getting too drunk, especially if I’m not. But thank god Mr. Utecht took me away from all this 17 years ago.”
8. Being rude to servers.
loser_sneeze: “Being rude to servers/ bartenders and not tipping are my number 1 pet peeve. Seriously, what is your malfunction?!?”
9. Being condescending about women in the workforce.
Natalie: “When I mention something good happening to me at work or the president of my company saying he values my work and gives me more responsibility and being met with ‘awww it’s just because you are so pretty, of course, the president wants to see more of you’ as if it’s inconceivable that I’m actually highly educated and good at my job. So basically, misogynists’ comments are disguised as compliments. That’s kinda a deal-breaker at any point, I suppose, not really the first date. Sorry, it JUST happened to me, and I was getting sick of it. We were at 4ish dates, though.”
10. Talking about their ex.
JennyWren: “In this same vein, talking overt shit about your ex-girlfriend or wife is a HUGE turn-off. I’m not talking about people who have genuinely dreadful exes (who don’t usually talk about them much if they can help it); I’m talking about the guy who got divorced ten years ago and still takes every opportunity to talk about what a bitch his wife was. It just makes me think, ‘The next person he goes on a date with, he’s going to be shit-talking about me because I forgot to text him back.'”
loser_sneeze:” A dude who spits on the street is a no-go for me.”
12. Whipping out the phone every 5 seconds.
Gemma Kim: “Checking. Your. Phone. It’s rude. Put it on silent or turn it off.”
13. Questioning aloud whether sex is going to happen or not.
Natalie:” Asking anything overtly sexual or basically ‘so what are my chances of getting lucky tonight?’….0.”
14. Insulting what you went to school for.
Hayley Hoover: “It’s not super easy to tell dudes that you have a Gender Studies degree and then expects them to not make asshole-ish comments afterwards. The worst.”
15. Getting drunk.
Mandie: “Getting too drunk. It will take me a looong time to see you as having any kind of potential if you’re already hammered before I know what you do or like. Yes, I am a crotchety old yenta.”
16. Rudeness towards any service people, period.
Naomi:” Being sh*tty to any service person you’re interacting with. You’re sh*tty to a server, bartender, cab driver, WHATEVER; there will be no second date.”
17. All of these things. Every single one of them.
Jen TheTit Whisperer:” Before I met Mr. TitWhisperer (HA HA HA). I went on a few awful dates (well, more than a few) #1-as we are ordering appetizers, apologizes for checking his phone, but he is a single dad, then says ‘you’d be comfortable being a SAHM, right? Because I don’t think women should work if a man is in their life.’ Seriously 1st date, we were 10 minutes in! 2-Belched AND Farted so that I could ‘know the real him’ and 3- Ask ‘How much do you make? I need someone on my level money-wise. I’m not anyone’s free ride.'”
18. Acting like this woman’s date because this dude sounds like The Worst Ever.
Everlark3393: “I went on a first date last night that was so bad that it put all others to shame.
- Within the first ten minutes of our conversation, he referred to a tv show as ‘retarded.’ That’s a big no-no for me, right up there with sexist and racist comments.
- He texted throughout the entire movie that we went to see.
- He didn’t spit his gum out before kissing me (why I let him kiss me is entirely beyond me at this point).
- He insulted my favorite NFL team and told me that he would ‘convert me’ to country music.
- He ‘accidentally’ groped my boob and said, ‘Whoa, you have huge tits!’ Touching me without permission is such a no-no.
Basically, anything disrespectful turns me right off.”