These weird beauty inventions deserve credit for their inventiveness but are a bit too weird to get a spot in our makeup bag.
Is there a weird beauty version of Shark Tank that I don’t know about? Don’t get me wrong, I love trying new beauty products. Sometimes I think the stranger they are, the better because I get much more excited if they actually work. Sadly for every good invention, there are at least 20 bad ones. I have burnt layers of skin off my face on more than one occasion and I have used so-called hair removers that would do a better job of growing cucumbers than removing leg stubble. Despite these poor experiences, I still look forward to the next batch of odd-sounding beauty products and hope one of them will actually do its job properly.
Here are 15 ridiculous beauty inventions that you can actually buy:
1. WaxVac Ear Cleaner
If you saw that one episode of Girls where Lena Dunham injures herself with a Q-tip, you will get the dangers of putting sticks in your ears to clean them. I understand the need for a safe product to clean your ears, but I want one where I don’t have to empty my ear gunk out of it. Ewww.
2. Mascara Shield
I thought it was a bit odd to use a plastic spoon to prevent smudges when applying mascara to your bottom lashes–what is wrong with a tissue?–but apparently there is an invention designed specifically for this. Who knew?
3. Hair Cutting Umbrella
Perhaps because I am not a hairdresser, I don’t fully understand the need for this product. As a customer, all I can think about is how I wouldn’t want to wear an inflatable wrap around my neck when I was getting my hair trimmed.
4. Rio 60 Second Neck Toner
I am already dubious about neck creams. When the skin starts to lose elasticity, no amount of lotion is going to shrink it back to its original taunt shape, even if the cream is made from the tears of unicorns and the hair of a dire wolf. I’m equally unconvinced that this device can stimulate your neck muscles enough in 60 seconds to provide drastically firmer results. Maybe after a couple of hours, multiple times a day, but not 60 seconds.
5. Long-Handled Nail Scissors
Cutting your toenails is fine work, akin to plucking your eyebrows or decorating a cupcake. Using a pair of long-handled scissors to trim nails seems like an easy way to lose a pinky toe. Ouch.
6. Air Curler
As someone who likes lazy girl beauty tips, I would love something that would style my hair as I blowdry it. I don’t know if a “spinning vortex” that looks like an empty plastic container with a hole it in would produce lasting results. Maybe it is the fact that this is only an attachment and doesn’t come with a blowdryer is what is leaving me unconvinced.
7. Fullips Lip Enhancer
If you want an Angelina Jolie pout without using fillers, this little do-dad promises to plump your lips. I could try to describe how it works, but there is no way to use the phrases “wet lips,” “suck short puffs” and “tighter suction” without it sounding completely sexual.
8. CPAP Chin Strap
I thought I understood this one. It’s meant to be a chin and jowl firming device right? Apparently not. It’s supposed to make you sleep better by forcing your mouth closed. If that wasn’t terrifying enough, may I point out this mannequin/person hybrid is posing with what seems to be a real hand. Creepy.
I love a good pun name and I don’t like going to the hairdresser every six weeks to get a trim, so I should love this hair cutting vacuum attachment. That description may not make any sense but that’s what it is. Put the attachment on your hoover, and trim hair up to 6 inches in length. If you’re feeling creative, you can even layer your hair.
10. Intima Breast Pillow
Don’t let this picture fool you. This isn’t the back of a sports bra. This is actually a breast pillow (proper name) which separates your boobs while you sleep to help prevent chest wrinkles. I suggest we leave this contraption to pregnant or nursing moms with severe breast tenderness issues.
11. The Wet Brush
If I can’t be bothered to use a comb on wet hair, I’m probably not going to make the effort and purchase a special product either–despite the fact that I really like this color combination.
12. Eyebrow Comb & Razor Set
Using a razor in your eye area may not be the best idea. Plus why would you want to get stubbly eyebrows from shaving when you can remove the entire hair follicle with plucking or waxing? Those are very good points to consider.
13. Hygiene Refresher
I don’t know if this can be properly classified as a beauty invention, but it is supposed to improve your appearance, so go with it. This is brilliantly described as a “hand bidet” and “wash mate” and it is only 15 inches, so you can pop it in your purse and refresh yourself at any time.
14. Facial Hair Remover Stick
This is so much more than an orange cotton swab. The silver part is actually a spring that is meant to remove stray facial hairs with the twist of your wrist. Yeah, so there’s no relation between this and a Q-tip other than in appearance.
15. Eyebrow Template
If you don’t need to look in a mirror while applying your brow pencil and don’t mind wearing something that looks like a penis with wings, here is your new beauty product.