Getting Your Lip Waxed

Tons of women get their eyebrows shaped professionally, but fewer of us have experienced the unique torture of an upper lip wax. (You could say it’s because we’re extra special. In fact, you should say that. We’d appreciate it.) It may be a one-minute process, but it’s a really crappy one– and it requires a lot of mental preparation. Here are 30 thoughts you’ll have while getting it done!

  1. I can handle this.
  2. I can handle this because I’m a strong, capable woman.
  3. A strong, capable woman who isn’t afraid to admit she has a little bit of facial hair.
  4. A strong, capable woman who isn’t afraid to have it professionally removed.
  5. Even though it’s going to hurt.
  6. God, it’s going it hurt.
  7. But not more than I can handle!
  8. It’ll hurt for like two seconds.
  9. Like two painful, horrible seconds.
  10. I can handle this!
  11. I just have to lay perfectly still and get it over with.
  12. Just lay perfectly still on this weird table that reminds me of being at the gynecologist.
  13. This woman looks way nicer than my gyno.
  14. She knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s done this a hundred times before.
  15. She’s warming up the wax like she’s done hundreds of times before.
  16. She’s spreading hot wax on my lip with a popsicle stick like she’s done hundreds of times before.
  17. She’s rubbing a piece of fabric over the wax like she’s done hundreds of times before.
  18. She doesn’t know what she’s doing.
  19. She’s going to burn a hole through my face.
  20. She’s going to rip half the skin from my skull and I’ll look like a Batman villain.
  21. She’s counting to three. I have three seconds left in this life.
  22. She’s on two. Two seconds left to enjoy having unburned skin.
  23. One. I have one second left before they start drafting my obituary and telling the whole world that I died doing what I loved most– being reminded of my thick mustache.
  24. OW. OW, OW, OW. HOLY SHIT.
  25. The pain is too much. I’m walking towards the light.
  26. Death is peaceful. There’s hardly any pain.
  27. …Oh. I’m alive. The pain is just over.
  28. The wax lady is handing me a mirror so I can see my mutilated face.
  29. It looks perfect! Skin intact, hair is gone.
  30. I can’t wait to make another appointment for next month.

Photos via Shutterstock

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