Soccer Mom Tattoos

If you haven’t heard the term soccer mom, you’re probably:

  1. Past soccer moms’ age
  2. On the field watching your kid play soccer.
  3. In a tattoo shop. You ditched the kids. Dad took them to practice. And you are finally covering up that bad tattoo from the 1990s.

Either way, you are the largest growing demographic hitting up the tattoo studios, and most tattoo artists love you. Sure, they have a few complaints. OK, maybe more than a few. So let’s see what those tattoo artist rants are so that when you shell out your hard-earned cash, no one is talking smack in the back room. That’s just not cool, anyway. We’re Moms. Jeez! Show a little respect.

Your Ideas are Mass-Produced: Pinterest is a curse for many reasons. The online collection of images, recipes, decorating tips, fashion, crafts, parenting ideas, and desserts also includes lots of tattoos. Because, let’s face it- soccer mom tattoos are in style. However, there are so many of the same ideas floating around (feather tattoos, Infinity symbols, dreamcatchersowls) that the designs lack originality.

Here’s a better idea. Find something that is meaningful to you. (Did Grandma collect teacups? Do you have a Poodle? How about a Gypsy girl because you’re wild and free?) Soccer mom tattoos don’t have to look alike.

You’re a Flake: This might be true. Your schedule is tight. Most shops don’t allow children in them. Your husband is coming home late. No sitter. It happens to everyone. But it really shouldn’t happen to your tattoo artist. Why?

Because, unlike a salaried job, he only gets paid when you show up. Which isn’t cool because if you pull a no-show, his wife has to miss her hair appointment, and then her hairdresser can’t afford childcare, and then her poor kid has to sit on a messy floor on his beloved blankie, watching his mom sweep hair for the day. (If she doesn’t get fired.) If she gets fired, you’ll see her at the soccer game. And that’s really going to be uncomfortable. (Talk about a permanent mistake.) There’s a whole domino effect when you blow people off. So be considerate and keep your appointment or reschedule as soon as the need arises.

You Are Indecisive: Soccer Moms have a lot to think about. What’s for dinner. What time do the kids need to be picked up, and what she’ll be wearing to her class reunion that will best show off her sweet soccer mom tattoo. Most artists will take your ideas and run with them, but if you’ve already changed tattoo placement five times and he hasn’t even nailed down the design, you’re going to be labeled as a “crazy” and “neurotic” soccer mom. That’s not a compliment. Worse yet, he may even throw in the towel and tell you to come back in a few days since he has integrity and won’t make permanent something about which you are so indecisive.

It is there you’ll stay up late. Sobbing because you had to explain to your husband that your soccer mom tattoo appointment was a total fail. He’ll hug you. Threaten to kick the artist’s ass (but he’s sort of scared, so he’ll probably Google the dude first and check out his size.) Then he’ll get sidetracked, make you a cup of coffee, and sit with the computer open. He’ll hop on Pinterest (oh yes, he did!), and he’ll find you a super dainty feather tattoo. He’ll surprise you in the morning with an appointment at a new shop. That’s where you’ll meet Jenny. This sister of the hairdresser who just lost her job the last time you flaked out on Johnny down the street.

Jenny has a machine in hand. And Jenny’s not happy.

Don’t get a bad soccer mom tattoo!

(P.S. Do your homework on the artists too.)

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