It’s the hair equivalent of the douchey ex-partner that never stops trying “just checking up” with you on Facebook no matter how many times you’re like, “Dude, I’m good.” We’ve all had it: the inexplicably long & unwanted singular hair.
On Tuesday, I felt the need to really open up with you all about the peculiar case of The Spontaneously Long Chin Hair. I knew that if conversations in my office were any indication, every woman deals with a stupid little stubborn hair that pops out of her neck, chin, or arm at some point. From older women to younger ones, every female I’ve spoken to–including models and other women whose bodies are their actual livelihood–has experienced this phenomenon. Smooth skin, smooth skin, smooth skin, and then BAM: an absurdly long hair appears, and you’re like.
To make all of us never feel lonely in our impromptu hair pursuits, we shall now recognize all the tales of our wonderful real human readers that commiserated with me on my own. If you’ve ever felt alone in yours, don’t worry: this list proves that for every spot on your body, there’s a woman who’s experienced weird hair there.
P.S. No making fun of anybody! We’re here to relate, not to critique.
1. Simoneutecht: “Ok, I will be the first. First of all, as you get older, you will give more than one, so here goes. I gave one that is right between my breasts and one that is right under where my left jaw meets my neck. And I hate the fact that they grow overnight. Why can’t the hair on my head grow that fast.”
2. Sneeze: “I have 2 that just appear on my neck/throat, like magic, out of thin air. I now have dedicated tweezers at work in case the hairs make an appearance. The length and texture really are impressive, especially for hairs that appear like ninjas from the darkness.”
3. Veronica: “I love it when I think there’s a piece of lint on my face, and when I go to brush it off, it’s stuck to my face. I swear they weren’t there the day before.”
4. Nanny: “My mom said that when she gave birth to me, she sprouted a 3″ white hair on her chin. Overnight. Lol. I guess it’s all hormones. I get one pesky hair on my right cheek EVERY SINGLE MONTH a day before I get my period. Wtf. But kinda cool.”
5. Sara: “Right on my throat. Every. Single. Time.”
6. Anna: “Ditto [to Sara’s throat hair]! I call mine the mutant hair.”
7. Marie: “Right on the tip of my chinny chin chin. The first time I had noticed it, I was on my way to class. With no tweezers in sight, I frantically took to burning it off with a lighter. Then cringed in fear all day, wondering if my date the night before had noticed it. I keep telling myself since those little bastards tend to appear overnight, I may have been safe. I have a compulsive habit now of rubbing my chin to check for its biweekly reappearance.”
BURNING. IT OFF. WITH A LIGHTER. Girl, you are metal.
8. Anna P.: “This is the Gloss post that got me to finally comment. It’s on the right side of my forehead. It’s white-blonde and gets really long if I don’t pluck it, but I’m on to its game!”
9. Embee83: “Straight out of the side of my face, and it’s white as white can be in the middle of my super dark hair.”
10. Veronica: “Too many to count. I had one right in the center of my chest for a while. I think I finally beat it into submission because it hasn’t come back. I also have several lovely ‘beauty marks on my face that seem to have symbiotic relationships with adjacent hairs, hairs that could moonlight as boar bristles. ‘Sea hag chic’ is a thing, right?”
Yes, yes, it is. It is now.
11. LittleBird: “Mine gets super long and wiry. And it’s on my lower back, which is probably the most sensitive part of me. When my husband gets to caressing my back, I’m like, “Mmm, that feels good. Wait, is he looking for The Hair?!” He’s not, but he will find it, and then I want to wriggle away forever 8′<. “
12. Anne Marie: “I have a super long, glow-in-the-dark white one that pops up on my right arm just above the wrist every few months. Occasionally it vacations just outside my left eyebrow. And somehow, it is always THE MOST PAINFUL to remove.”
13. Tanya Sloane: “A mole on my chin used to have just one solitary hair – but now it has friends! I swear that mole is getting bigger too – every year, a little bigger and a little more hair. Oh, joy.”
14. Elyne: “Right next to my chin, every month, there is growing a thick black hair. If I would let it, it would grow super long. It’s incredibly annoying.”
15. Allison Mick: “My fucking neck. It’s the WORST.”
16. Juliana: “Where’s mine? Try EVERYWHERE. I inherited the unfortunate trait of being a hairy brunette Italian girl. I get 2 or 3 on the left side of my chin, 1 or 2 that grows underneath my chin, and a couple in my cleavage. But that’s not to mention the other spots where I have lots of hair (since when are women supposed to have a light happy trail?).”
17. A: “One on the left side of my face and my neck. WTF?!”
18. Jen: “Directly on my jaw bone under my chin. Not on my chin but under. No rhyme or reason to timing. I just wake up, and boom, it’s there.”
19. Charmless: “I have a monster growing out of a mole on the small of my back. Since I never see it, I forget it’s there, which is great, but it also means the only people who really see it are the ones who are in the immediate vicinity of my butt, which isn’t a great time to notice someone’s stray evil hair.”
20. Elizabeth: “The back of my legs. I shave, but there always seem to be some that grow weird, and I don’t get them. So frustrating!”
21. Daniella Sloane: “Fellow chin-haired woman here. I have like, 3. all in different areas of my chin. They’re frackin’ coarse! Luckily they are blonde, but damn, they are PRICKLY! Now let’s talk about nipple hairs! Hahaha…but seriously.”
22. Cinderella: “I am very pale with black hair, and I have PCOS, so it’s more where is there not hair 🙁 Human’s skin is covered in hair apart from the bottom of feet and palms of hands which makes me feel better…just black is more noticeable.”
23. Scaredoftornados: “I have a happy trail that goes from my rib cage down to where the sun doesn’t shine. It got really thick and dark when I was pregnant, but luckily it is not so noticeable now.”
24. Nanny: “I have seriously long chin hair. Dark and brittle and gross. I tweeze it, but it’s back full force after a few days. I just started lasering it myself (with the at-home laser from Sephora/BBB) and loci the results. Try it!!!”
25. Lori Nicole: “I have one smack in the middle of my left cheek that is one of those magic ones that wasn’t there in the morning when I put my makeup on, and then I go to the bathroom at work, and it’s half an inch long! And it’s black as can be. WTF. I have a TON along my chin, about 7 making up a “happy trail”… As I typed that, I just decided that I should start calling them “stepping stones,” lol… and two on my right boob. I think they’re mostly a side effect of the hormones in my Mirena IUD, but I’d rather have to deal with Sasquatch hair than my endometriosis. :)”
26. I Like Pizza: “I have a mole hair on my face, of course, but I also have a weird two- or three-hair wide strip on my forehead that runs diagonally from my part to my unibrow (the latter of which, yes, I do pluck) and grows inexplicably long. Luckily, after a few bad choices in middle and high school, I am now eternally devoted to bangs, so I don’t worry too much about removing that happy forehead trail anymore.”
27. Alexis: “As you KNOW, mine is straight out of the middle of my throat where all the other hairs are blond and downy because life’s a goddamn peach.”