Sephora is a magical world with its own Violet Beauregarde and Veruca Salts. Here are the 16 people you will meet at Sephora.

Sephora is a magical land full of all the weird beauty products you could possibly want to put on your face. It’s like a Chocolate Factory full of little delights to play with, and as such, it has its own Violet Beauregards and Veruca Salts. Here are the 16 people you will meet at Sephora.

1. The Woman Who Hogs The Mirror

The mirror is 5″ in diameter. That means there’s only room for one of you, and she was here first, bitch. She is claiming that territory with both elbows, and God helps you if you try to reach something she’s standing in front of.

2. The Woman Who Is Giving Herself A Full Manicure

Between all the testers in the store, you could probably give yourself a paraffin treatment and a seaweed wrap. The only reason you don’t is because you feel it is socially unacceptable. This woman has no such compunction.

3. The Woman Trying A Different Color On Every Nail

She’s not going to buy any of them, but she’s definitely leaving here with 10 nail polish samples on the ends of her fingers.

4. The Professional Makeup Artist Who Is Totally Going To Return Everything The Next Day

Thanks to Sephora’s wildly generous return policy, you can totally buy all the weird, cool products to try for a shoot or an evening out, then return them when you’re done. “I don’t like them” is an acceptable excuse.

5. The Woman Who Thinks You Know About Everything

“What is primer?” this lady asks. “What is the difference between these two eye shadows?”

“Umm… one is sparklier?” you answer, but you don’t really know.

6. The Woman Who Is Stunned By All The Prices

“This is so expensive!” gasps a complete stranger next to you. “Who buys this stuff!? Can you believe what they’re charging for this?” Just smile and giggle a bit while you try to hide the fact that all the things that have horrified her are in your basket.

7. The Tween Girls Who Are So Excited

This crew is a squealing army of little girls who probably just started wearing makeup. You will probably find them trying on all the perfume at once or at the Urban Decay display, giggling over the sexy product names.

8. The Woman Getting Ready For A Job Interview

OK, this one is me. Neutral lipstick? Bah! I’ll never wear it. If I get the job, I’ll come back and pay for it. Until then: Sample time!

9. The Overeager Employee Who Just Wants To Give A Damned Makeover Already

This woman has seen every episode of America’s Next Top Model and dreams in transformation montages. Her favorite movie is Miss Congeniality. Be careful; she will make you look like a Walmart Maleficent.

10. The Woman Who Is Totally Ignoring Her Kid

This woman just needs a damn break and to treat herself to new nail polish. Unfortunately, while she’s looking at all the designer perfume she’s not going to buy, her kid has just licked all the eye shadow testers in the Nars display.

11. The Woman Who Is Too Susceptible To Impulse Purchases

This woman had one thing in her basket until she got to the checkout line, but by the time she makes it to the register, her basket will be overflowing with rollerball perfumes, tiny mascaras, and scented lip balm, and nail scissors. Those things lined up by the queue aren’t really cheaper; they just seem that way because they’re small. (This is also me.)

12. The Partner Who Doesn’t Want To Be There

This person is dating someone who really likes Sephora and will spend the next hour standing forlornly with shopping bags. Try not to make eye contact; it will just be sadder.

13. The Woman Who Is Clearly Going On A Date And Doesn’t Want To Buy Anything

It’s after work, and this woman is taking her to look from day to night with the help of all the free samples.

14. The Woman Trying Out All The New Trends

It’s probably lunch break, and this woman is going to fit all the trends of Fall 2014 on her face and make it back to her desk in 20 minutes.

15. The Woman Thinking About Stealing The Perfume Tester

That Hermès perfume is like $150. That’s ridiculous. She should steal it as a protest. It’d be civil disobedience. Thoreau would approve.

16. The Woman Who Is So Good At Makeup You Feel All Intimidated

How does she do that? You will follow her around and buy everything she buys, but you will still never know.

Leave A Reply