In Praise Of Chunky ‘Ugly’ Shoes

There’s no denying the appeal of a pair of heels. They have the sleek, curved lines that are comparable to a well-designed sports car. They look good whether they’re on your feet or not, but when you slip them on, they do really good things to your legs. Just looking at a gorgeous pair of heels you can see why Carrie Bradshaw was so obsessed with her Manolos. On the opposite spectrum of the shoe, the scale is the chunky, platform shoes. They don’t have the sleek design and some of them are just as painful as heels but there is something about them that makes people want to buy them.

Combat boots have always had a loyal following but in recent years the chunky, self-described ugly shoes have been gaining in popularity. It started with those platform heels that were sold in every single store, then it evolved into creepers and flatforms and chunky jelly sandals. What’s the appeal? Why are people willingly buying shoes that are openly described as “ugly” or “orthopedic-looking?” They’re a little bit wrong but so right. They’re not streamlined, they’re not sleek, they weigh about 13 lbs and they definitely don’t make your feet look dainty, but you still want to spend your money on them. They’re that shoe version of The Bachelorette. You don’t understand why you watch the show, but every week you’re watching it with your bottle of wine and popcorn. There are some things you can’t really explain the mystique of.

We can probably blame the Spice Girls for igniting a love of Buffalo boots and platform sneakers. It is one of life’s mysteries why they were so into chunky shoes in the first place. Perhaps they thought they were the footwear that had the most “zig-a-zig-ah” and I’m sure you will agree they chose wisely.

Platforms, platforms, and all of these squared-off, thick-soled cousins also add a necessary bit of edge to an outfit. They are the perfect contrast to a feminine dress or macaroon pastels. They help you nail that mix-and-match, the effortless thing you’re always trying to achieve but can never quite figure out how.

And let’s not forget that you can kick butt in them. A stiletto spike could do some serious damage but do not underestimate the force of a 15 lbs chunky monkey shoe. That is like a cement block coming at your head. Surely there is something appealing about walking around in shoes like that. Maybe that was what the Spice Girls had in mind? Girl power!